Beautiful Things

In just these past few weeks I have been reminded that we are broken people. Whether you're big, small, loud, shy, stubborn, or gullible, we each have our own suffering. It could be anything from not knowing where your next meal is coming from to recovering from a broken heart--we need healing.

While listening to Gungor's song "Beautiful Things" this afternoon, I realized how much bigger this song is when it relates not just to myself, but to every single person.

Beautiful Things by Gungor

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Wow. It tugs on my heart even now. Before, I saw this song as my personal story. My life was a wreck but through the Lord it was made beautiful and new. Today when I look at these lyrics... I see hope for all of God's children. I see a torn nation, an abused child, a forgotten teenager, a divorced marriage, a love not returned, uncertainty, death, addictions, etc. And then- bam. "You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of dust, You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us." Healing. Rest. Joy. Peace. Love. Life. "Could a garden come up from this ground at all?" No matter how hopeless we are, Christ remains constant and faithful to us. Beautiful is the desert we go through when Christ comes in to rescue us."Hope is springing up from this old ground, Out of chaos life is being found in You" This rescue is more beauty, love, joy and fullfillment than my heart can fully grasp. How wonderful is our precious savior? I look back to my darkest days and I am grateful. Without the darkness I would have never known how magnificent the light is. Without that pain I would have never experienced the powerful healing and love of my Jesus.

I would walk through a thousand deserts to love my rescuer-my savior and to finally understand and witness how He loves me. He continues to amaze me in his grace and healing. To experience Christ taking baggage off my back and putting it on His... We are His. We are His loved ones. You are His loved one. To experience life after Christ has revived it... That is beauty. No matter what pain we are in now, what uncertainty lies ahead, what experience we left buried deep in our past... God wants to take that. He wants to heal our wounds. He urgently waits for us to call to him. To let Him have it. To finally just let go. He patiently waits while we doubt his healing, he gently reaches out his loving hands to take the burden off of our shoulders. Christ can make anything beautiful. He can move mountains and part the seas... He can take your life and make it new. In Christ, I have been set free, I have found joy and love, I have healing, I am beautiful. He wants to do that for you. He knows how you are struggling and He eagerly waits for the day you will lay your burdens down at his feet. You are not just another person in this world. No, the God of the universe has unconditional, passionate, intimate love for you. Know this, friends, it is time for healing. It is time to let God love and adore you enough to take every beating, every lie, every betrayal, and every loss off of your burdened heart.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you" Psalm 55:22

A few quick thoughts.

A couple days ago while I was praying I was surprised to hear myself pray, "but that's my burden to bare...". Through the years I have prided myself on being an individual... Somewhere I became less like an individual and more like an island. I say this because I wasn't just handling things on my own, I was handling them alone. I selfishly wanted to fix my own mess-sometimes even the messes of others. I told myself I could handle it but really I was just stuffing things inside. I stuffed them so deep I forgot they were even there. Whether the issue was big or small, I halfway dealt with them. No matter how good the stuffer, the issues being stuffed will always pop back up. Through these past few months I feel like I've really gotten better about this "stuffing" but the other day I was shocked at my own words over something so small. "That's my burden to bare" First of all, not only is that prideful, but it is so selfish. I was basically saying to God that I didn't want his help. It was my problem to fix. I was instantly told otherwise with the simple words, "No, it's mine." Woah. The God of the universe just told me my problem was his. We forget how blessed we are with a loving and merciful God. He doesn't want us to stress or be in pain. Jesus took that for us. When he was dying on the cross he took every single one of our burdens with him. It's not mine to bare, because it has already been taken care of.

Redeemer

I think it's about time for a post. Maybe a little past time... The past few months or so I have been battling anxiety. I'm not talking about just being stressed out or having a few panic attacks here and there... No, I was in constant fear. It got bad enough that I didn't go off to school this semester but instead decide to allow myself time to heal and overcome this thing. Thankfully, the Lord is sovereign and provided me with that healing. I would never want to go back and experience the darkness I did those weeks but I am so grateful that it did happen to experience the sweet time with God that I've had. For the first time in my life I appreciated grace. I am so unworthy of such a great love but still He gives it so freely. Even when I was doubting of this love He showed it to me in the most unexpected ways. Twice in one week I had two different women that I had never met before tell me scripture that says God dances and sings over us with our own song he's written for us. Yeah, I thought they were weird too. It was when I found myself feeling so alone in the depth of the night desperate for a savior that I realized the importance of this. If God loves me enough to dance and sing over me... a song he has just written for ME... He loves me enough to deeply hurt when I am hurting. He loves me enough to protect me. He loves me enough to give me security. I had always heard God loved us and I always believed it but all the sudden it was God loves ME. Me?? The maker of the universe cares enough about me to cry with me? The maker of the universe is singing songs for me and rejoicing with me? My mind is still blown! Jesus all the sudden became MY sweet Jesus.

With next semester around the corner and the stresses of school, what to do, where to go, and who to be with it, I have again doubted the love of my Savior. I then was tenderly reminded that I am loved and secure. He never leaves. He is dancing. He is alive. He is my constant. My constant.

I am finding more and more everyday that I don't understand people as well as I thought I did. We are each so different and each so beautiful in our own way. I know that I have come short of things I could accomplish. I am constantly realizing more and more things about myself that I had ignored. Not necessarily bad things either. Things that I told myself I couldn't accomplish, things that I told myself I would never do or never be. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would go to community college for 2 years... I most likely either would have laughed in your face or I would have burst into tears. Many people look at other people's life and pity them for the road they have taken, or where they are in life. I used to. But I see now that it doesn't matter how we expect something to turn out or no matter how badly we want to move or what job we can't live without... Things just don't always turn into what we want, what we expected. Instead, they turn into what God wants for us. What is best for us. That is such a beautiful thing. This time of being home and being so stretched to make friends in a place I was convinced I knew everyone, has turned into a wonderful time of finding out my passions. Mine. Not the group of friends I hang out with, not what I want my passions to be... But what they truly are. It has been a growing time. It's when your life is not what you ever thought it would be and times of loneliness that I am truly grateful for. In fact, I catch myself praying for more of this time. Not because I love my life going completely opposite of how I want it to be, cause I don't, but because there is such beauty in this time. When life takes an unexpected turn, it is for a reason. Maybe, in order to get to that place or person... you need to grow up first, or learn something about yourself, etc.

You're right. I am here and I am lonely. But I want this time of growing to continue until I am absolutely sure of the person I am and when finally the person I am is who I want to be. So, let the lessons continue. Let me be broken and beaten down. Let me be humbled. Cause these are the things that perfect who we are and get us ready for the challenges to come. There is beauty in breaking down, but it is the realization of why we are breaking down, how to fix ourselves again, and finally healing that truly makes us each so different. And thank God we are so different cause it is our differences that pull us to each other, our differences that help us heal one another.

Journey

This year, I have experienced more life lessons and challenges of growing up than I ever could have expected. All the heartache and joy in this year has been such a blessing... and I didn't think I would say that while it was happening. I realize now that everything happens for a reason. God has a perfect plan for my life. I know now that this plan includes me moving to San Diego in the fall. If you ask me why... I couldn't give you a straight answer. I just know that is where God wants me. I am scared of leaving my family and friends. My comfort zone. Going somewhere that I don't know every other person that walks by... But yet I have this strange peace about it. I know I can't afford it but I have faith that God will provide. There is such beauty in how God's plan works out and I am looking forward to seeing how it does. The future is a scary yet exciting thing for me right now. I can't wait to see what the next step is.

Untitled.

Love, come and find me.

Let me understand truly being cherished and sacrifice

Becoming grateful for what you've given me

Love, don't desert me.

Don't leave me searching for you

Holding onto the preview you've given me

Love, embrace me with the warm understanding.

I want to find you.

New

This summer I have matured and learned more lessons than I ever thought I was capable of learning in such a short period of time. It has been painful. But I have never been more excited about where my life is heading.

I wrote this on the plane home from San Diego. I was so torn. I felt like I belonged there and I had finally found my future, only to get back on a plane and leave it all behind.

New

The things I hold dearest are suffocating me slowly.

The passions wrestling to get out of my skin are deteriorating.

Is there no other way?

It's frustrating to me that it is this hard to change.

Change?

Or am I transforming?

Change?

Or am I renewing my soul to what I want the most.

You.

Father, hear my cry.

This heart needs sutures.

This heart was made to love you.

But trust...

My heart aches.

This is too much pain.

Is it too much to ask for my life to be fine?

For my passions to finally be mine.

One after another I get closer.

But you never told me how my heart would behave.

But the beauty in breaking down remains.

My desire is you, these passions come from you.

Change.

Change is delicate.